"Popcorn shames the catholic."
Sandra Maria Rudolfo hurried to Confession. "Bless me father for I have sinned" and crossed herself.
"What is your sin sister?"
"I have stolen crops from my neighbor again. I am unable to stop myself. It calls to me and when I do not obey the voice, my hands shake, and I feel really really hungry. It is corn. I love corn so very much."
The priest remained quiet for several minutes, then, "Say two hail Mary's and leave me."
"Yes father," Sandra got up and left after crossing herself once more.
Sandra went home that night to bake the corn stalks that she had stolen from her neighbor. Sitting at the table with the blinds shut against the eyes outside and her door locked against the night, she ate the source of her guilt.
Suddenly a rapping at the wooden door.
Quickly shoving the corn under the table cloth, Sandra prepared to get the door. She let it crack open. The cloaked man stepped inside.
It was the Priest!
"Is there corn?" He asked in a whisper.
Sandra walked him over to her pantry and unveiled her store of corn piled to the ceiling. The woman stood silently crying and crossing herself. The priest stepped forward and picked up one of the corn sacks.
"Sandra," he said and looked into her eyes. "Have you ever had, had..." His voice lowered and he leaned in. "Popcorn?"
Sandra had never heard of such a thing. She marveled as the priest started up the stove and put the kernels of corn over it. They waited.
Five minutes later the sounds of miniature guns going off was heard inside the warm kitchen. The two sinners sat and ate the popcorn. Sandra was also finding that she felt very attracted to the priest. The priest knew that this would happen.
Women who love corn fall easily in love with men if they show her the ways to popcorn.
They ate the popcorn until midnight, then the priest left.
Sandra plotted more ways to steal corn from her neighbor.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Be Wary of Produce.
"On top of the pilot reckons an addictive tomato."
The tomato has cognitive powers. It is a reckoning tomato. This tomato gives its conclusions from its daily reckonings out as advise to whatever person is around. It existed on its own until a lonely and hungry pilot went to the grocery store to get the fixings for a turkey pesto sandwich. He put the reckoning tomato in his cart and continued on to get the lettuce. The tomato used its reckoning skills to decide which head of lettuce was best. It told the pilot which one to choose. The pilot listened to the tomato. The pilot let the tomato make all of the sandwich decisions. He got a second tomato to use for the sandwich.
He went home and had the best sandwich of his entire life. It was especially delicious to him because of his loneliness. From then on he let the reckoning tomato make decisions for him. Dependency on the tomato grew and grew until the pilot lost the ability to think for himself. The tomato's logical capabilities were limited to reckoning. It could not feel or make decisions "of the heart", even if it did resemble a heart more than most produce. This problem left the pilot to make bad calls when it came to things like being nice, having friends, and getting a girlfriend.
Time went on and the pilot grew old. Old and alone.Alone and addicted. Addicted to the reckonings of a reckoning tomato. While on one of his flights, the pilot felt nervous in a storm. He asked the tomato what he should do to stop feeling nervous in the air. The tomato reckoned and concluded that the best way to fix his nervousness was to stop flying. The pilot immediately landed the plane, quit his job and began an even more secluded life.
Finally, on the ex-pilot's death bed, he asked the tomato what would happen to him after he died. The tomato answered that he would be buried and that there would be a short funeral. This did nothing to comfort the pilot. He died as a tomato addict. The workers of the old people home found him with the tomato on his lap.
The tomato has cognitive powers. It is a reckoning tomato. This tomato gives its conclusions from its daily reckonings out as advise to whatever person is around. It existed on its own until a lonely and hungry pilot went to the grocery store to get the fixings for a turkey pesto sandwich. He put the reckoning tomato in his cart and continued on to get the lettuce. The tomato used its reckoning skills to decide which head of lettuce was best. It told the pilot which one to choose. The pilot listened to the tomato. The pilot let the tomato make all of the sandwich decisions. He got a second tomato to use for the sandwich.
He went home and had the best sandwich of his entire life. It was especially delicious to him because of his loneliness. From then on he let the reckoning tomato make decisions for him. Dependency on the tomato grew and grew until the pilot lost the ability to think for himself. The tomato's logical capabilities were limited to reckoning. It could not feel or make decisions "of the heart", even if it did resemble a heart more than most produce. This problem left the pilot to make bad calls when it came to things like being nice, having friends, and getting a girlfriend.
Time went on and the pilot grew old. Old and alone.Alone and addicted. Addicted to the reckonings of a reckoning tomato. While on one of his flights, the pilot felt nervous in a storm. He asked the tomato what he should do to stop feeling nervous in the air. The tomato reckoned and concluded that the best way to fix his nervousness was to stop flying. The pilot immediately landed the plane, quit his job and began an even more secluded life.
Finally, on the ex-pilot's death bed, he asked the tomato what would happen to him after he died. The tomato answered that he would be buried and that there would be a short funeral. This did nothing to comfort the pilot. He died as a tomato addict. The workers of the old people home found him with the tomato on his lap.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Waffles
"The coincidence cuts the poster above a far waffle."
The far away waffles have a poster above them saying that people should come eat the waffles. Far away from the waffles there is a couple fighting and they end up throwing something in their rage and it coincidentally hits the sign and breaks the sign.The sign had not brought many customers,But the breaking of the sign caused people to look over at the waffles, bringing them in to eat them. What a coincidence.
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